So here it is, almost a month later. Doesn't seem that long ago when I started what I wasn't sure I would get through, but here I am still fighting and pushing towards my goal. I have not one time cheated on this diet. I have totally relied on the awesome power of God to push through and know that with Him I would and will succeed.
This is not where I pictured myself being at the end of the month...I had honestly thought I would have lost more weight. That I would feel awesome and empowered, but none of those things I have accomplished. Honestly I am pretty much at the same weight and at this point have felt more icky than "empowered". I can tell you I feel like I failed myself, that even though I am on this journey to better myself I am hurting myself in another way. How? Not sure, eating too many calories, not exercising enough, eating too much of the things I can only have once in a while? So what do I do now? I am already putting in 4 nights of dance and on top of that another hour or more of abs a week and I have even added in some cardio now that the weather is starting to get nicer out.
So in order to make sure that in a month from now I am NOT feeling this same defeat and disappointment something more needs to change....I am going to have to stop eating peanut butter completely, only sweet potatoes once a week, and limit my calorie intake. I can't really fit too much more exercise in and still be rested during the week. I do know that only I can change and stick to these changes. I think the most important change is that I TRUST God. He knows what He's doing and more importantly what my body is doing. I need to stay positive and know that I can and will get through this. I will succeed in this, I have God to give me the strength I need and I need to love myself now for who I am and how He has created me.
I cannot let self image rule over me. God created me perfect in HIS image and loves me all the same. He knows I am beautiful and I pray that I would see myself as God has made me and that I would see the beautiful young woman in the mirror not the things that Satan wants me to focus on. I will keep doing this lifestyle change because I want to feel healthy and be strong, not because I want to look like that model on the magazine who has been airbrushed to perfection. I am not perfect, but my God is and He loves me for who I am.
Lord I love you and I pray that I would look in the mirror and see your creation, not what the world wants me to see. I pray that I would feel beautiful and comfortable in my skin. I love you Lord and need Your strength to let go of this obsession with my image and weight and just LIVE!!
-Just A Girl
